TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING
IS BETTER THAN SEX
10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2) Less guilt the morning after.
AND THE
No. 1 reason why trick or treating is better than sex.........
YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD
Halloween Joke
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.
He said: " Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
" Did you dance much?" she asked.
" I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......."
Online Halloween Games
Got some time to kill? Try this site for Halloween frights.
http://www.benjerry.com/fun_stuff/holidays/halloween/games/index.cfmsome games require flash plugins
Ghost Town Galleries
Skip the ghosts...go directly to the towns!
http://www.ghosttowngallery.com/Legit ghost towns and other historic places
Joke: Dave
(thanks N.L.M.)
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know Everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them"
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
Dave replied "Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happenin? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical.
After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave says,"Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go.
At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said: Who the f __k is that on the balcony with Dave?"
Bad Costumes of The Past
I remember a few of them....
http://www.retrocrush.com/costumes/
SuperNatural Crime
Cool site for free digital comics and pulp
http://www.supernaturalcrime.com/
Yeti Sports
Tired of the usual games online?
http://www.yetisports.org/I'm a yeti sportswoman... here me roar.
Writers' Dream Tools
Writers of the World... here are some tools of the trade.
http://www.writersdreamtools.com/guest.asp
Actual things cops have said!!!
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#*!"
"Just how big were those two beers?"
" So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? .. You're right, we don't. ... Sign here."
Super-Size Me
An online game... eat as many burgers as you can..and don't forget your veggies
http://www.supersizeme.com/burgerman.htmPS... watch out for the clowns.
Story-Teller Runes
Need help writing? Cast a rune and it will give you suggestions on plots, characters and other goodies.
http://www.eggplant-productions.com/programs/storyteller.asp
Joke: How to Tell Sex of a Fly
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh.. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
(Thanks DJ JD)
Hunk of The Day
All the good ones are taken or gay...
http://www.hunkdujour.com/But we can still look, right ladies?
Random Website Generator
How often do you find yourself on the internet looking at the same boring pages?
http://www.randomwebsite.com/Some misses and a few hits!
Books in A Minute
In just one minute, you can read entire books and learn everything your teachers will expect you to know. And catchup on those classics you missed reading ....
http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/classics.shtmlshort and sorta funny
write a novel in 30 days
got a story to tell?
www.nanowrimo.orgTheir challenge is to write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November, which is novel writing month.
I wrote one in 2003... didn't finish the one for 2004...but am gonna do it this time!
celebrating the unity of your eyebrows
At Monobrow.com, they don't view having one eyebrow as a grotesque, freakish human deformity...
http://monobrow.com/waaaaaaaa... I don't have a hairy catipillar for an eyebrow.
Liquid Sculptures
A cool site dedicated to artistic photographs of liquid drops, splashes and sprays.
http://www.liquidsculpture.com/Great photography!
kittens
cute widdle kitties...
http://www.cutelittlekittens.com/awwwwwwwwww
Backwards Subliminal Messages?
Think your audio files are sending subliminal messages?
http://www.talkbackwards.com/images/header.jpgFind out now!
Carolina Potpourri
October Issue...
has a few laughs..and some cool stuff
www.opalrose.com/magazine/October.html
